Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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