i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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