oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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