I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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