Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
