i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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