can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
