At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.