the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
