in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again