Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.

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  (661): I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special. http://tfl.nu/zosx
  Replies (24) Good night (3550) Bad night (650)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava

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  (617): His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava http://tfl.nu/q9zi
  Replies (164) Good night (2324) Bad night (3603)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.

  (561): View more from Florida

  He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.

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  (561): I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class. (561): He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it. http://tfl.nu/mjkl
  Replies (18) Good night (6366) Bad night (1315)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.

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  (414): I want to frame my negative pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/y335
  Replies (26) Good night (7303) Bad night (1102)
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  (760): View more from California

  The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

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  (760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3
  Replies (3) Good night (3523) Bad night (1127)
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  (310): View more from California

  She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.

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  (310): She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/wr7g
  Replies (12) Good night (1132) Bad night (5086)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki

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  (250): I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki http://tfl.nu/rhok
  Replies (14) Good night (2974) Bad night (1132)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat

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  (717): Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat http://tfl.nu/dsa2
  Replies (7) Good night (1700) Bad night (907)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.

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  (205): Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes. http://tfl.nu/ntyj
  Replies (9) Good night (2566) Bad night (705)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood

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  (931): his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood http://tfl.nu/n403
  Replies (20) Good night (3995) Bad night (1126)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.

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  (702): Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom. http://tfl.nu/ihoh
  Replies (25) Good night (3277) Bad night (647)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.

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  (850): She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off. http://tfl.nu/vexh
  Replies (10) Good night (1451) Bad night (617)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!

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  (720): Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA! http://tfl.nu/6cz6
  Replies (8) Good night (1357) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal

  (425): View more from Washington

  Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.

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  (425): Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal (425): Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens. http://tfl.nu/rxfs
  Replies (0) Good night (621) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face

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  (210): It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face http://tfl.nu/lp55
  Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (350)

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