Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial