At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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