wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
