I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
