You made me cry and you don't even care
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
