i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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