We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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