This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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