I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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