dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
