i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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