He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
