Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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