is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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