Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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