A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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