Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
