just come out here and I will go home with you...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
