It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
