Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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