You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
