At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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