I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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