the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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