i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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