A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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