I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
