I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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