Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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