just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Duck Duck Cougar?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
