Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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