My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
