i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
