K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
