He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
