In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
