please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
