I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
