So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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