cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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