when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
