3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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