I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
