Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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