You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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