Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize