Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
