her vagine was all disorganized.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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