WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
