You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need water and some morals
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize