i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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