ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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