you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
