It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
