I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
