Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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