something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
