I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
