final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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