I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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