this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
50% drunk capacity currently
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
