i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
