I wanna bring you to show and tell
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
