i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
