Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
