I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize