dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
