I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
