I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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