Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
