My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
