I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
be right there i have to get my cape
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
