I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
