I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
