In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?