Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza