i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.