I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.